Film Noir Goes To Men's Wearhouse

Suits. The underground universal characteristic of film noir? If Out of the Past, Kiss Me Deadly, and Chinatown are any indication, men’s formal wear may just be one of the most telling characteristics that make a film noir.

In all three of the film noir’s we watched in class, probably around 80% of the men were in suits. Now given that most of the stories are about detectives, this makes sense that the protagonist would sport a trench coat and the villains would be outfitted just as classy. But when you give some thought to it, what other film genre can make the claim that most of its characters wear suits? Perhaps spy movies, but really aren’t these just a modernized extension of the detective story line?

Chinatown was no exception to the suit rule; in fact, Jack Nicholson’s character’s attire inspired me to restart my search for a white suit. A few people in class mentioned that since Chinatown was in color it made it less of a film noir. But one of the bonuses of color highlights a different feature of film noir: Jack Nicholson’s suits. I counted at least four different colors throughout the course of the movie. Coupled with the fact that Jack Nicholson is a sexy beast, this movie certainly would have lost a lot if it wasn’t in color. Nicholson and the supporting cast are decked out in suits for nearly the entire movie.

So, in honor of Jeff Foxworthy, “If the movie yer watchin gots dudes in suits in it, it might just be a film noir.”

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I’m up for avoiding work as much as the next guy, and I’m sorry to all of you people who would read this if you were still forced to, but I feel compelled to ask if anybody else is actually reading these things now that comments are no longer required. I was always motivated to try at these assignments knowing that other people may actually read them. However, without user feedback I have a sinking feeling that my posts are going to deviate farther and farther away from their usual “quality”.

So I would ask of anybody who is still reading this to comment on this post (just one!). If you don’t, then I suggest you STOP reading this because things are about to get really, really stupid (just kidding Klobs).

Don't Miss This Pay-Per-View Showdown Mike Hammer vs. Jeff Bailey!!!

So in class we’ve all been complaining about the questionable quality of Kiss Me Deadly and all of its ridiculousness. Well since I have to make-up a blog, I’ve decided to do a head-to-head battle between Mike Hammer and Jeff Bailey, and maybe along the way prove that Kiss Me Deadly really wasn’t THAT bad.

Bailey and Hammer are both the male protagonists in their respected film noir movies. I’m going to avoid comparing them against the really obvious stuff (they’re both detectives…) and try to focus on the aspects that characterize their characters as film noir. Namely, 1) Fatal Downfall, 2) Fighting style, and 3) Love interest.

For the sake of the comparison I’m going to assume both men died. If Hammer wasn’t killed by the explosion he would have died eventually so it really doesn’t matter. But what led to their fatal downfall? Hammer discovers near the end of the movie just how big of a mistake he made when he assumed Christina’s roommate was legit. By not following through with his detective duties, he made a fatal assumption that the girl could not possibly be a fake/spy. Although the extents of the consequence of his actions aren’t quite clear, the director does hint that when the girl opened the box it unleashed a nuclear holocaust. Jeff’s flaw was predictable and cliché. He fell for the girl he was supposed to bring back for his boss, she killed a man, tried to frame him, and ultimately everybody died. Unlike in Hammer’s case, most of the casualties were the characters in the movie. I’ll give the point to Hammer because his fatal downfall not only endangered him, it threatened the entire world.

Both Hammer and Jeff get to show off their fighting ability in their respected movies, but that’s not what I’m grading. For this battle, I’m talkin’ style. Hammer gets some good fight scenes, the notable one where he throws popcorn in an assassins face and then punches him down several flights of stairs. Hammer also has a pretty good move in the pool house when he paralyzes some thug, but the camera doesn’t give the viewer any glimpse as to what is going on. I think everybody knows what I’m going to say for Jeff. You can’t beat taking a man out with one punch. Yes, it’s an amazing showcase of strength, but the style with which he went about doing it gives him the point. Walk in, punch, take the papers, light a cigarette, and leave. That borders Clint Eastwood awesomeness.

It wouldn’t be film noir without femme fatales and that secret love interest. Or in Hammer’s case, love interests. Hammer had to endure women literally throwing themselves at him for the length of the movie. Perhaps the closest woman to him, and ultimately the woman he maybe falls for, was his partner Velda. It was obvious Velda was crazy for Mike Hammer, but unfortunately for her, she had to compete with countless other women for his attention. In Out of the Past, the movie fluctuates out of flashbacks and Jeff’s girlfriends. In the present he hooked up with Ann, in his past he had a mixed up relationship with Kathie. Ultimately Jeff’s past catches up to him (out of the past…) and he find himself with Kathie again. Only this time, Jeff did not fall for her lies and instead turned her over to the authorities-at the cost of his own life. I have to give the point to Hammer on account of his apparent irresistible studliness.

If you’ve been keeping track, that’s Hammer 2 – Bailey 1. I’m not saying Kiss Me Deadly is in any way a better movie than Out of the Past, but you have to admit Hammer was a much more exciting main character.

Two Things in Life are Priceless: Mastercard and Memories

Something that has really bothered me since watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is the idea that anybody would ever consider erasing their memories. I can understand that maybe the notion of forgetting certain embarrassing moments in life could, perhaps momentarily, seem appealing, but I can’t fathom how somebody would actually erase parts of their life if given the chance.

Assuming you’re not completely absentminded, everything in life triggers a memory. Looking at a telephone triggers memories of conversations. Maybe scotch tape sends you back to arts and crafts projects in kindergarten. Everything in the world has the ability to trigger a flashback, even if the two things are completely unrelated. Want proof? That’s why it’s so easy to space out in school. So my first point is that it’s ridiculous to think that deleting targeted memories will erase them for good, because just about anything could trigger them back. And those memories may be linked to something else! Let’s say you and your girlfriend went to an oxygen bar on a date. If you deleted that memory, would you also delete the memory of breathing? It wouldn’t work any other way because simply breathing could conjure up those memories. So do you die? The whole idea is ludicrous!

Furthermore, unless you’re a completely irrational person, people usually learn from their past experiences to determine how they act in the future. So in that sense, erasing memories is like stopping forward progress. Everything about your past, both the good and the bad, make up who you are in the present and who you will be in the future. This isn’t my opinion, this is just life. So no matter how painful parts of your life may be, it is likely that those very parts you wish you could forget are some of the most important things that have happened in your life. If you don’t learn from your past mistakes, then you’re all the more likely to repeat them in the future. Erasing memories basically ensures this.